he has cookie breath... dont trust fat people.
We did it and he fell asleep and I was bored so I decided to go back to the party...is that bad?
I guess you don't realize how much twelve bags of chips are, until they're all over your floor.
His penis without viagra is what breaks my heart.
HEAR YE, HEAR YE! BY ROYAL DECREE, I WILL BE KNOCKING ON YOUR DOOR AT 2PM UNLESS YOU GET THE FUCK UP. IT'S 1:50. CIGARETTE TIME, BITCH. I LOVE YOU.
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
He came over hammered at four in the morning with roses trying to get me back when my new fling opened the door he just stood there crying for 40mins even after we closed the door
I was scared I had HIV after last time so I'm not gonna do it again
But he was really hot
Glad you don't have HIV
You went through my pantry and left one of everything in the box. One cracker. One cheesit. One piece of cereal. I really fucking hate you.
This doesn't mean I'm going to attempt to find happiness with smooshy dick
my new years resolution to eat more toast and mastrubate more often is going well so far.
Its guy fieris flavor town of suffering™
Roommate charged out of his room in pajamas yelling "MAKE IT RAIN" and just threw $4,000 in fifties onto my head. My Friday night.
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
HILY FUCK HES HERE I HAVE MONISTAT IN ME HE SUPRISED ME
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