I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
i'm gonna be such a cougar when i'm older...i just facebook stalked my little sister's 13 yr old boyfriend while drinking a bottle of wine....
They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
Fist pumping is hard when country music is playing FYI but I am committed
All that matters is I got the megaphone home safely
It's all good. The CSI guy came and I played the theme song while he in was in our place. The cops even laughed.
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
Man, I meant to go dancing, but accidentally took mushrooms and just threw the frisbee in the park
Surprise ending
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
YOU DONT EAT A GIRL OUT AND THEN GO PUKE ASSHOLE
It will be too late. I will have fornicated with the enemy by then.
It's one of the few times I hit fuck it levels of not caring
Just opened my sisters laptop to "cute places to lose my virginity" googled last
I need to hurry up and get over my feelings for him so next year's tipsy reunion sex won't be clouded by emotions.
Randomize
