That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
If there was chocolate on Regis Philban's dick, I would totally lick it off. That's how desperate I am for some right now.
My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
I just showed my boobs to our astate representative hahahahahahha
you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
Beach body diet is off. Pizza hut worked its way back onto my google chrome top 8
They just both started mumbling "i cant go home like this" "it's all over my face" "do you have extra pants?"
I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
I was thinking that maybe I should not apply to Wells Fargo because they def have me on candid camera taking a drunken nap at 3am in their lobby.
She climbed up the stairs with three brownies in one fist, two in the other, and one in her mouth. Also, she opened the bedroom door with her foot. I may be in love.
Best thing I ever did was get a dog. She's like a living trip alarm to warn me of visitors while I'm masturbating.
he appreciated my fucking vagina for two hours he can appreciate my honesty
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
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