Oral text is very safe with the right protection.
i put his shirt in a ziplock bag to preserve his smell
please tell me you are kidding me
Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
I just did a Kegel and my back popped. My vagina is a gift to penises everywhere.
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
Would be fun, plus since its in public I'll keep my penis in my pants
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
I'm handling the NHL draft worse than getting dumped this week
He forehead kissed me AND THEN asked what I was thinking. I'm taking away his man card.
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
How was jagerbomb pong?
It was like communism. Great in theory. Terrible when put into practice
All I want to do is drink an excessive amount of free alcohol bought from strange men, while taking frequent trips to the bathroom to snort an assortment of illicit drugs off dirty toilet seats. Break cannot get here quick enough...
Randomize