Me too ba-by. I wanna bite your ear lobes they are so fat.
i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
me and my mom are sitting in the bank parking lot drying my beer soaked check with the heat... the whole car smells like heinekin and I'm trying to convince her I don't need a.a.
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
And I was aware of my actions - that is not a penis I will say no to until I have a ring on my finger
When was the last time you made a good decision when you could've made a shitty one
I had a salad today
Screwed a girl without a condom but hey at least you got your veggies
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
You owe me beer. On another note, I made out with the ups guy at work today ....
Did I call him? He cried after taking my bra off. You tell me.
What happened to no more shots?
It went out the window just like my dreams
He had a clap on lamp. So every time he was ramming into me, the lights kept turning on and off
Can I come over?
Sorry I gave up dick for lent. Hit me up on Good Friday tho
Nothing like having a family watch you dry heave at the end of the dock
Randomize
