Oh. Thats cool. Im not dating anyone right now. Sean gave me chlamydia from some GUY he fooled around with. Im being abstinent.
just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
yeah that's what i said...you fucked him and peed on his comforter
yeah well...Like any great yacht, I leave a wake
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
I would rather burn my vagina off with a damn flame thrower before I would touch anything that has touched her skank ass.
I think I caught your cold through my vagina. It was worth it.
me + whiskey = a bad person
I'll like his pictures on Instagram every once and a while so that when he sees my name he is reminded of the best blow job he's ever gotten.
She texted me this morning asking why all of her house pillows were inside her mini-van.
So thats where i built my buckingham palace
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
Tell me why I woke up with your dads construction shirt on, nothing else, and had jelly donuts with a note from a girl named cathryn that said "we had a kinky night with peanut butter". p.s. Im by the layin by the lawnmower
Have you ever been anal in a bush on the Vegas strip drunk?
Randomize
