She used my dick as a microphone to sing "any way you want it" I'm in love.
I have only been in this city 3 nights and there are already 4 bars I can never go back to again.
those 9 inches of man changed my life forever.
i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
We left an ass print on the piano.
Do you remember Kelly my alter personality? She talked like a man and would sing amazing grace?
Im coming down to miami this weekend
We shall drink from the everclear river
Celebrating landing my dream job by watching zombie movies and drinking free booze in the bath. I'm like 90% sure I just won life.
She failed the Charleston discretion test, although puking in her armpit was very innovative.
I mean I kinda plunged vagina first into my last relationship
Where the fuck do you get consience sedatives from?
Remember that time we turned a can of Axe body spray into a flame thrower?
You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
Somehow she talked me into getting my dick pierced, weird first date.
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
Randomize