Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
she refuses to pay for the plan b and so do i. it's the most dangerous game of chicken i've ever been involved in. but i have my pride.
i hate always having to make my eye shadow look really good since my eyes always end up closed by the end of the night in pics
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
He's doing his thing where I don't know if he's alive until three in the afternoon so idk
HEY JUST FOUND A SHIT TON OF MONEY IN THE PURSE HE SENT BRB GONNA GO BUY ME SOME MALE STRIPPERS AND BATHE IN THESE TWENTY DOLLAR BILLS
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
I accidentally made jungle juice last night.
what are you up to?
it's 8pm, i've already showered and gotten in bed. if you wanted to make plans u should have asked 3 months in advance
Randomize