call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
It was honestly the most delicious alcohol I've ever drank, plus the added risk of going blind from methanol poisoning really enhanced the experience.
Our new roommate is sitting in the living room wearing a snuggie and clutching a handle of burnett's mixed with what appears to be crystal light and sobbing over a documentary about a dead race horse.
I know. Isn't she utterly fantastic?
You may have cured my horniness. I feel like my libido just got shat on by kittens who live on an enchanted rainbow.
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
He's so hot and there's so much R Kelly and vodka I think I might die.
Btw I'm currently writing a paper in a beer garden. Be proud.
I only see on penis in this picture but I assume there is another lurking out of sight.
Just woke up. Naked. Under an animal pelt. With a girl. I've never met her. She's pretty naked too.
Well she just asked a sorority girl if she should fuck her floor mate so it's basically like the blind leading the blind
If you hear death cries, thats me singing. Just let me be.
how do you know everyone's mad at you?
I just woke up feeling shameful
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