He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
I just told a dude I hooked up with last night he was the pick of the litter.
Ryan just walked out of his frat house with a case of beer, a 6 dollar bottle of vodka, and a pillow. He's good to go.
I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
Shark Week. Kick off begins Sunday. The drinking game has been upgraded to include jumping/breaching sharks and Jake's not allowed to bring the harpoon. Period.
You just kept holding your breath for a really long time and calling it lung excersizes.
Pretty sure I'm taking the break up well. Alcohol made me okay with it and drugs keep me agreeing with why I dumped him in the first place.
is it mean that i live tweeted about whether or not my roommate and her bf were having sex or were wrestling?
I normally need adult supervision or a babysitter, but I refuse to let someone keep me from making irresponsible and wrong decisions at the bar on my last bday ill ever have in texas
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
Sad realization: so long as I use this sleep apnea machine, I will never be the little spoon!
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
I think I broke my dick but 10/10 would definitely do it again.
Randomize
