Oh just a soda. I'm "driving"
I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
What do you think she thinks of us?
I think she thinks we're whores... but ya I think she likes us
Whenever someone from high school gets pregnant or has a pregnancy scare my self esteem grows a good 5 points
I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
I am lonely and I want to touch your beard
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
Showering in not my own throw up is really hittin the spot right now.
We got a standing ovation as security was escorting us out of the ballpark, it was a proud moment
you weren't there so I had to flirt with him on your behalf
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
336: Dude I lost my.phone Wednesday night at a party and just found it, three days later, on the lacrosse field....what the actual fuck.
Can you cover for me after lunch? I’ve never seen a guy who cums as much as my new Side Dick so now I need to clean the house before my husband gets home
Randomize
