I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
her nipple to breast ratio was just odd
WHO ATE OUR COOKIES WHAT THE FUCK THOSE WERE GOURMET
We can talk tomorrow when we're both alert. My mind is somewhere else right now.
Where's it at?
In your pants.
He puked at the bar then immediately procceded to slip in it, they loaded him up into a wheelchair, then the staff and myself walked him outside, all the while never having to pay for our tab. SO using this strategy again
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
hahaha every time i hear a motorcycle i think about that one time you almost died
Thanks for the flashbacks you prick.
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
Meanwhile I'm googling glory holes in Vegas
By NOT going to the gym, I'm helping my future. I don't want stripping, prostitution, or porn to be viable money making options.
Knowing there are different types of spiders in different countries and regions makes me never want to travel.
There is a cooked ham in the washing machine.
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
Randomize
