That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
I kept calling his name while we were having sex cuz i was so proud that i remembered it.
I think I've given more of my business cards to Chipotle trying to win free burritos than anyone else
I had forgotten what it was like to go to all four classes. It's exhausting.
This is the last weekend of getting drunk and having sex all nite with the plumber. I'm exhausted all weekend and I'm never going to finish the remodel at this rate
Is it a good time to tell him he's getting too clingy if he sent me a picture of my name spelled with Cheerios?
That does it. We're drinking til we're pirates.
Go for it! You're young. Have fun. Be somebody's expensive hobby like Anastasia Steele.
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
So basically I really like drugs AND banging cops and it's starting to get complicated
He was basically a horny puppy - following me around all night and kept sticking his hand down my pants.
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
dude if looks could fuck you two would've been naked in front of everybody
I have mastered the art of having sex on monkey bars.
Randomize
