Just did the walk of shame across state lines...milestone?
I'm not upset with you; I'm upset with Fox News.
At barnes & noble, drinking beer out of thermoses, lookin legit.
You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
Its not personal, its just business. I'm the Donald Trump of blowjobs.
Well Its not like I planned having my potato launcher explode and burn off my eyebrow and eye lashes.. I still have my right eyebrow can't u just be happy?
Um...any recollection of peeing in the pantry
I think I may be the only girl in the world that can say she has fallen asleep grasping a penis..... 3 different times...... 3 different penises
We just broke my bed mid-sex, laughed, then continued. If that isn't true love I don't know what is.
we could do so many fantastic illegal things together. sexually and otherwise.
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
I just watched my mom pour beer into her vodka and drink it.
I tried to order dominos and couldn't but I accidentally placed an order for this morning. I knew I did it last night and was gonna call and cancel this morning but honestly it's coming in 30 minutes and I need it
it's like that time i was drunk at relay for life. but with balloon animals...
Randomize
