Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
just read twilight to her over the phone, while in the bathtub, candlelight...i'd love to say no homo but that was so gay.
How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
we just drove by a car that was painted for a grad, it said "you done it!" with a confederate flag bumper sticker next to it. i love kentucky
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
this weekend destroyed me...my brain feels like the curly fry at the bottom of the bag. GAhhh come save me
that's ecstasy for ya. now I'm kinda in the mood for jack in the box.
You need an intervention. You fell into traffic walking home.
Not really. Birthday weekend. Totally jusifiable. Besides I didn't get hit. No harm no foul.
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
Every man needs a table where they can sit and reflect on the successful penile conquests of the day.
The problem is drunk me is completely unaware how poor I am
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
Pretty sure my first birthday present will be a pic of an 18-year-old's cock. And I am OK with that
Yeah bc that's when u should take a Molly. At a house party with everyone from ur hometown
I'm so high I have morphed into the monopoly man. Or maybe the Pringles guy. I don't know but I have a mustach now
Randomize
