She made a guy cry in the bar. I will have her, oh yes, I will have her..
I think vodka calistinics prior to and during beer olympics was a bad idea
Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
Apparently I blacked out and pissed all over the sliding glass door from the inside, as everyone watched from the outside helplessly....
I might be a bit. I accidently started hot boxing the bathroom. I'm just gonna go with it.
We team puked and then made sex like wild monkeys. If that isn't love, I don't know what is.
Just saw a hooker eating a pastrami sandwich walking down beach blvd blowing kisses to traffic. My day = made
Well Apparently I went to piss out my window last night, woulda been ok if I opened the window or the blinds.
Just rolled up a joint with a cop standing right beside me. He just told us to not leave behind any garbage or empties. God I love canadian camping
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
things I never thought I would say vol. 24 "Bagpipes just remind me that my relationship is over"
I totally almost forgot you fucked that guy. St. Patty's bar crawls always have a drawback.
I really don't think my body can handle another night of drinking
Lol you talk like you have a choice
I am worried that I am gonna die before the weekend is over
I'm a mess. I mean I almost got off but I'm a fucking rubics cube down there so il givenhim the point
On my way home I saw a car that had "MOVE OVER PLZ" emblazoned across the windshield backwards, so people could see it in their rearview mirror
If I ever drive for Lyft or Uber I'm definitely gonna do that
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