He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
Dude I've kinda accepted I may leave Nola with the clap.
I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
She yelled "taste the gay rainbow" in a biker bar. She's either brave or fuckin stupid.
I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week
I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
That is cause you are some weird type of mutant that lives off of Alcohol.
Bored of what? I stayed up all night researching sex toys because I'm excited to do things with you that I haven't done in 29 years of having a body.
I do remember that in my dream I wasn't impressed with his dick.
I didn't have time to wash my hair yesterday. Ended up spraying some Febreeze on it.
He obv doesn't know that telling a woman to chill will get him murdered
There's nothing wrong with using cocaine to keep my heart rate up in my fitness class.
I'm seriously considering starting a savings account so I'll have bail money this summer.
Do you think it's my receding hair line that makes all the milfs attracted to me??
Randomize
