Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
Also, I've sobered up around 5am, in Delaware. I remember making this decision, and highly regret it now.
She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
Next time we're there I want drunk pics of us trying to ride the stone lions downtown. Don't even attempt to fight me on this.
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
Hot Italian guy literally came into my logic class just to get my number to study with me and left. America.
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
Panda onesie. Pizza. Netflix. Wrapped up like a burrito. Screw you guys and your cute relationships THIS IS WHAT INFINITE HAPPINESS TASTES LIKE
It's cool bro. The video I have of you drunk trying to fix it with the sonic screwdriver was worth it.
wait he has a twin??? which one did you fuck
yes
He woke me up at 6:30 to have sex again and afterwards, he didn't even judge me when I asked him if he wanted some rum. I think I found my soulmate.
I’d say they were worth it. He screamed “your tits are fanfuckingtastic!”while he was cumming
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