Did he leave or is he still there?
He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.
i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
2am update: i think I'm in Mexico but I found a dennys. Everyone but this cute family of 4 is speaking Spanish. Cute family of 4 is helping me out.
You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
ur roommate just sent me a pic of us fucking. i'm not coming over anymore.
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
I'm in charge of his party but you're a paramedic, we're both needed.
Dude he fell into my wall and left an imprint then decided to have sex with the door open. Vents carry noise pretty well
I'd just like to say before I start drinking tonight that not only do I not find you attractive; I don't want to hook up with you, suck your dick, be your "suga mama" or have your babies. Please disregard any texts, phone calls or voicemails that say otherwise..
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
When we pulled over so you could pee, you made us stand over you and "make a roof"
I hope you get eaten by satanic starfish.
I thought I was bad, the girl next to me on the bench was feeding a bush a hamburger and introduced me. Only at lollapalooza.
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
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