I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
it was really awkward, he kept trying to get on the bed with us and we kept having to kick him back on the floor.
hey you forgot your wet suit in my room you can come grab it whenever
BTW, it's bullshit to say that not doing a shot is unpatriotic. You know how I fall for that.
who has not yet felt my sugrcially enhanced boobs. HurryI am at the bnar and it is 1:15 am
Look I know it's late and I hope this doesn't wake you up but I feel like you should know that I'm sleeping on my couch in my own apartment so that my friend can get laid in my bed, and I would do the same for you.
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
It's like a challenge who can be the biggest embarrassment to the family. I win 80% of the time.
I gave them the 'I used to fuck your son' discount.
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
Red Alert: She has 3 cats, a parrot, and 2 rats. Initiate Protocol Zero and rendezvous at Checkpoint Bravo for debriefing
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
This is the best thing we've done since that time we started a religion
One of the finest moments in my life was when I was puking in between my legs as I was shitting, and thought to myself "hmm this shall be called shomiting."
Would it defeat the purpose of a run if I ran to McDonalds?
Randomize
