new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
I figure if he loans me money i only owe him sex for the rest of the summer before i pay him back, right?
Just passed a sign for an "adult food and fuel superstore". Wtf does that even mean?
im not sure but a few things come to mind which just makes me giggle
Guys should not giggle. Ever.
he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
Going to a jewelry store high is not a good idea. I look like mr.t's wife.
I got my period while he was fingering me , I knew it because I never get that wet.
Did u at least say sorry?
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
your friend did not want a bj. we need to leave. this is very awkward.
It's like split custody, only he's not a kid and they have sex with him.
Also I walked home in over mitts \nLet's take a minute to really laugh about that
I don't know but someone, somewhere gave someone a hand job and someone else was pissed about it...
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
So basically he is jobless, a potential serial killer, and has poor taste in music? We simply don't have time for that.
Randomize
