he just said he was sorry he wasnt been able to come by more often coz things are really crazy with that girl
you mean his girlfriend
I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
A cab driver remembered me by name, address, and ex fuck buddys nick name from a year ago. I mustve been one memorable shit show.
just threw up in the bus full of other international students just outside of boulder, just keeping the aussie reputation alive
Well on the bright side, I only need a sophomore to complete the fuck-a-guy-from-every-year-challenge.
This is the moment in my life where I take a fork in the "nice guy" road ive traveled for 23 years and fuck everything in sight that doesnt have herpes, or is in-between flare ups and I don't know about it until my dick is on fire.
Some guy dressed like Santa just handed me a bottle of tequila. I NEVER WANT TO LEAVE CANCUN
Next sat night Titanic party. Bring your floaties, trashy necklaces, and a large lung capacity. This ship is going downnnnnnn.
I'm sorry I did drugs then got really loud and bitchy at your party and judged your choice in one night stands.
My vagina is officially offended.
I threw up in the bathtub last night like a decent human being.
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
I have sent texts to the pizza delivery guy telling him he was beautiful. Oh and you almost got a ticket for pissing in public. And I smell like cheese.
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
Randomize
