her teeth should be alot whiter from all of those blowjobs she gives
just found deep spiritual meaning in spongebob.... that high.
then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
Ughhhh. Finnnneeeeee. I'll have sex with your brother. Sheesh. The things I do for you woman.
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
Now that makes it sound like you had sex with a guy in batman costume and you never took the mask off so you can't 100 percent be sure.
And my nipple is sore from him biting it. That is not a complaint.
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
She stood up through my sunroof the entire drive home. screaming her ass off and singing free falling..
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
Randomize
