what if I'm pregnant?
smusmorshion
Awesome. Ask her out.
Nope. She's got a detail of ed hardy security around her.
Should I text him? Life is confusing when you actually like someone instead of just wanting to blow them.
Some dude just bet me $8 I couldn't smoke a pack of cigarettes in an hour...It sounds stupid, but I really wanna do it. If I survive, I'll have $8 and it'll look good on my resume.
at the hospital. he locked himself in the kitchen, said he was making beer batter shrimp. don't know if it's the mercury poisoning, alcohol poisoning or second degree burns they're holding him for, but i've got a pretty guess.
She is singing the swedish chef song and throwing utensils. I love this place
His dad asked what he was doing so he texted his FATHER a picture of me wearing his shirt in his bed.
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
My text message history should be ashamed of itself right now.
Are you high?
The snorkel mask makes that pretty clear
Just yelled out loud for someone to buy me a drink, 30 seconds later random guy on grindr asks what I'm drinking.
There's a 98% chance your drink will taste like rohypnol
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
Lol it's kinda hilarious. I left missing one glass... guage. I feel like Cinderella... but less classy.
Randomize
