She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed
We are two peas in an std pod
judging from the lines on my body they wheeled me back in a shopping cart
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
MASS TEXT: who ever dared Todd to suck on the Clorox wipes last night.. good goin jackass. you can come visit him, hes in room 266, AFTER hes done getting his stomach pumped.
HE DARED ME TO DARE HIM... DONT PUT THAT ON ME.
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
It was insane. I was drunk for 11 consecutive hours. I woke up covered in almonds and there were footprints all over my shirt
Please hurry up and come back. This is so awkward. He's showing me banana videos.
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
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