I'm drunk
Is that why you're texting me
Yes
fighting downstairs. join me tonight to hear their makeup sex. also, let's make skittles vodka.
So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
ok now this is the second time he's reffered to recieving a blow job as 'getting his pee pee sucked'
When I'm drunk and can't pee, I sing my abc's in my head and try to pee before I get to pee. Last night I forgot to do it in my head
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
And then like 10 minutes later they were taking a bath together. HOW DOES HE DO IT.
It's 4PM and I'm finally awake.. I'm covered in dog fur and shame. I'd say it counts as a good night.
My parents just out drank me... I cant get back to college soon enough
I think people like me is why alcohol became illegal at one point
It was his birthday and he drunkenly offered me Portillo's and diamonds in exchange for a snap chat of my boobs. Even sober it seemed like a good idea at 3 in the morning.
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
You have not lived until you've slid down a waterfall fucked out of your mind. Fact.
Of course he's seen my tits, I wave those things around like a trump supporter does an American flag
Randomize
