Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
don't go back without me... they'll know i'm pooping.
just as he was about to cum he started shouting "I THINK I CAN! I THINK I CAN!" over and over again.
every single kid we've ever known, every single person we've gotten blow jobs from, every single person we've hit home runs with... is at dennys right now
I forget the details, but I'm told that I drunkenly stalked him around floor yelling obscure Jewish laws at him
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
Its kind of weird knowing that im only seeing you that day to fuck in some woods
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
I ate icecream cake off your tits for my birthday, if that's not love I don't know what is.
I was just randomly reminded of the night you were wrapped up in a bed sheet carrying a full bottle of cookie dough vodka and warning neighbors of the weirdos running around
I'm not sure how long my penis is exactly, but I will tell you it resembles a bendy straw
Soo are you just gonna poop in my bathtub and not talk to me anymore...?
Just to clear things up, yes you did lick the strippers butt
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