Done. Eyebrows are waxed, entire body shaved
is it cool if i come over and use your computer?
what happened to yours?
i got a little to drunk last night and threw up on it...then i tried to wash it off under the sink.
operation harelip BJ is a go
watching espn. realized that the exact place those sportcenter guys are is where I got laid on the beach last superbowl. my sex spot is broadcasted nationwide
his electricity got shut off. i felt like a pilgrim searching for his dick.
He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
Oh nbd. She just had sex with a divorcee. On a charter bus. At 10 a.m. On a Thursday.
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
you had me at cake vodka
Im not coming back to that place until im drunk. If I walk in there sober Ill start screaming uncontrollably. Not words, just sounds.
lost her for two hours. she was banging a russian guy in her car in the parking lot. he told her she was majestic.
A milkman. But instead of milk I'm delivering marijuana. And instead of a milk truck it's an armored car.
You're a weed delivery man, in an armored car?
Its my nipple ring piercing anniversary. We need to celebrate.
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
I seriously just forgot to push down the toaster twice in a row \n\nSo I've been waiting 8 minutes for toaster strudels that I haven't even started... Too high
Randomize
