i voted for prop eight dipshit. more weddings = more CAKE.
Ya! She had a north face on tho so she was a classy hooker.
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
I'm not going to need your "it doesn't mean you're a slut" pep talk after all.
If I don't come back from Italy with aids I did somethign wrong
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
Yo plow her in the living room were all outside tommy wants to see
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
You haven't lived until you've thrown up naked in a hotel room in Fargo while holding your breasts so they don't touch the toilet bowl.
Yea.. And you'll love me a whole lot more when I start letting my vagina make all the decisions..
Randomize
