The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.
We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
He asked me If i had cheated on my boyfriend when I said no he said it's like he doesnt know me anymore
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
Just saw a drunk guy clapping and cheering for a chipmunk climbing up a tree. Classic
he is allergic to cats. we can only glue dog hair on him. otherwise he might die and i dont want to be responsible for that.
ahaha ok
let's call it "werewolfing"
Mom said you looked used
We had sex in the bathroom. Good sex. Toilet breaking sex.
The day i have a fb album titled " I have become a townie" you can shoot me in the foot and tell me to get my life together
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
Got wasted in a little tiki hut by the beach yesterday. Woke up with a coconut and half of a mushroom burger in my purse. I also have a picture of our Romanian bartender's fingernails on my phone lol
Why do you always wake up with meat in your purse?
Randomize
