He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
wicked high...have munchies. cherry flavor lube. problem solved.
watching espn. realized that the exact place those sportcenter guys are is where I got laid on the beach last superbowl. my sex spot is broadcasted nationwide
lets be honest. she's not NEARLY as much fun to fb creep since she got out of rehab...
Nobody knew what to do when it was dead. You said fire up the George Foreman, I've never ate baby shark. She hasn't stopped crying.
2011 senior yearbook drinking game. we're taking a shot whenever some dumbass uses that quote about how life isn't isn't about the breaths you take, but the moments that take your breath away. also that retarded wayne gretzky one about missing shots you don't take.
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
OH MY GOD THE LITTLE GIRL IS SITTING WITH US WHILE WE SMOKE. I'M NOT DOING THIS
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
I AM AT THE LOUNGE WHERE THEY FILMED THE LAP DANCE IN SHOWGIRLS....IT IS AMAZING
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
Hahaha more like walk of pride. You entered the lions den last night.
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
I. Am. Not. Tattooing. My. Penis.
Randomize
