On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
threw up in my backpack again. Asian guy I cheat from wasn't pleased.
I didn't want to talk to him so I just started telling him how important Jesus was to me
I just took went to the bathroom and it smelt like blue curococo... I didn't flush yet so head on up if you wanna know what a good night smells like.
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
Does making ice cubes at 4 in the morning count as being productive?
I was the king of the handle race. My team finished it in 56 minutes.
you don't get it. Nobody wins a handle race. there just degrees of losing.
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity
I called her 20 times. Apparently she went home to do MORE shots before bed. Didnt miss me until this morning. WHO FORGETS THEIR HIGHSCHOOL SISTER AT A FRAT?
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
We made out and he didn't grope me. I liked it. I felt like I was innocent again.
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
Randomize
