i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
He like poked it twice with the tip of his tongue then left it alone. I'm sad.
Chris' response to jim throwing up was taking off his shirt and saying WHO WANTS A BONER
What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.
Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
Can I also remind you that we insisted on touching his mustache?
Well of course I remember it took up like 20 minutes of my night.
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
You spent the entire night trying to get me to make out with you
yeah I remember. your boyfriend shouldnt have cheered me on though.
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
Does your balding hurt less when a 19 year old holds your hand?
Why do my weekends always degenerate into using my little brothers childrens board games for drinking games?
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