I may be a little high but I'm pretty sure my alphabet soup has only Os in it
We call that spaghetti Os
I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
Oh it's happening. I'm Chugging a beer while sitting next to a 6 year old
a kid who worked there came up to me and let me know you were sitting in the bathroom sink. he said it was fine, so i just kept checking on you.
We are not in the same countries and I heard about your hook up last night BEFORE you.
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
i just remember doing it on a pile of clothes while i heard the muffled sound of his friend laughing. then i realized we were in a closet.
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
I'm like the kid who wants his birthday and christmas equally. Every time I get one I want the other. Only I don't want holidays I want brothers
In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.
The girl in the stall next to me is puking her brains out, I'd say she had just a good a weekend as us
I gave her some alkaseltzer ad she looked at me lke I was god
i want to have his babies. i NEED to. shit i wont even ask for child support, he's that goodlooking.
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
I don't know how to say "Sorry I was banging your boyfriend before I knew about you but you're awesome and we should hang out." without just saying it.
Randomize
