Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
make any headway on the foot/dick situation?
I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.
mom just called and i was mid bong hit but i answered anyways coughing and sounding rough she the apologized for waking her little angel up. its 2PM
Whenever someone from high school gets pregnant or has a pregnancy scare my self esteem grows a good 5 points
We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
season finale of lost and an oz of weed. tonight my mind is going to be blown.
Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
Hahaha my philosophy professor just opened class with "I had a shitty weekend and I was at the bar until 815 this morning. So bear with me".
Btw. I have a sinus infection from doing cocaine in a portapotty at a Duran Duran concert. So, gimme a couple of days before y'all start the party.
Randomize
