I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
She gave me a BJ with my hoodie on. it was like i was blowing myself.
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
No no no...you park the car, stick your tongue down his throat, slip your number in his pocket, invite him to insomnia, and THEN LEAVE. You go from awkward to epic in a matter of seconds.
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
I filled this oven with as much Pizza as I could, and I've been eating out of it for three days.
Just ate the last piece. Refilling the oven.
I also love beards. The playoffs are like christmas for my vagina.
Maybe you can hide out somewhere she would never go. Like a counseling center or AA
I'd apply for another job, but "staring out windows crying" is not a hot qualification right now.
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
My boobs are literally freaking out because I've been wearing a bra for more than three hours....I need to go out more...
Before getting out of the car, she said "Thanks for getting me off." I like how polite she is.
Just saw the pics from the bachelor party. When the hell did we go to southie. And why was there a chicken in the limo..? You guys really are my best friends.
the twins are trying to figure out which one is the one doing body shots off a janitor in this picture
Randomize
