Can one do a walk of shame from one's own hotel? Considering I just barfed in a planter down town in from of a bunch of business men in suits on my way to a work breakfast on a Wednesday morning, I am gonna just go with yes.
Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
I almost didn't wake up for my first day of work. The 3rd bottle of champagne was a mistake. And the 2nd bottle of wine after that was probably excessive
My poor mother should have just stuffed me back up her vagina when she had the chance.
I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
The cops just drove by on their loudspeaker going DO NOT DRINK THE WATAHH
I love boston
He told me the hand job I gave him this morning was "lovely".
i was congratulating myself on not falling down the stairs when i walked into the wall. it's like one step forward, two steps into the fucking wall
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
I tried to take a cute nude but sneezed halfway through. I sent it anyway
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
WELL I DIDNT KNOW IT WAS POSSIBLE TO COME SO HARD YOU HAVE AN ASTHMA ATTACK BUT HERE I AM
You know tonight's gonna be a good night when your already planning on sleeping in a trunk
I fucked a 6 foot tall guy who has abs showing without even flexing... I am a wizard and I have magical powers.
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