I acted like I was still sleeping as she gathered her stuff to leave.. that's when she let one rip
She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
I smoked weed with pregnant girl. I'm going to hell.
dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
We fucked on top of all of our English papers in celebration of the semester ending.
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
Idk I've been drinking all day and they're having me blow shit up. Like dont let the drunk chick play with fire and explosives. Common sense 101. I will fuck something up
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
I've had your balls on my face a bunch of times so the least you could do is buy a girl some dinner.
I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg 😂😂
If your talking about a poncho I WANT ONE
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