dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
Packing for the trip... do they take Visa in South Dakota?
Just found out that wake n bake is not one of the 7 habits of highly effective people..
It's been a long time since I felt this bad on a Monday... and for that, I thank you.
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
My goal is to upperdeck the house I'm at, because it's some girl I don't know's birthday. Welcome to adulthood, bitch.
I'm a busy girl. All I wanted was noncommittal sex a few times a week
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
No. Not going out tonight. No. It's Tuesday. Xanax and Full House Tuesday.
He gave me a script of norcos and touched my balls so overall it's been a good day.
If you bet guys that you can drink them under the table they will pay for your drinks all night until they pass out. I have this down to a science that I think even my dad would appreciate.
I woke up in his closet, with my shirt inside out and backwards, Rolos in my hand, a tortilla with a face carved into it stuck to the fridge with a magnet, a homemade bong next to the bed, and the door off the hinges... I need a chaperone.
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
Randomize