I got to see an enormous amount of vagina this morning.
accomplished twins. life is a go
after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
everyone knows that carl winslow was the sexiest man in die hard.
Just sold a bike on craig's list for 4 four lokos and a 40. How bad do you miss college?
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
Just remember, if we get caught, you're deaf and I don't speak English.
There should be an open time period where you show each other your goods and it's totally socially acceptable to bail.
I wholeheartedly concur
I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week
Everyone thinks I'm sleeping but I'm actually just melting.
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
Wait, but now I'm curious. In what position were y'all when the cops came? Were you guys butt ass naked in the car? 😂😂
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
Randomize
