but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
I made him hve sex with me in the elevator so that I could put my finger down in never have I ever.
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
Thank you for not boning my boss.
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
As soon as he came we went to Dairy Queen. That drive through lady was very condescending about our "just fucked" ice cream.
Zach, it's Lisa from work. Was that you yeiling BALLS DEEP at me on I-25 or is it just something about me that invites that from rando creeps?
The crowd is chanting "we want sex!" There's a man dressed as bacon. That is all
Rule #36, branched off rule 4: Dave stays on a leash in crazy settings. It keeps him good and gets you laid.
So essentially he's like a puppy you can bring to a bar? Retractable leash or chain then?
I found it. now I'm going to the gym to be "healthy" or whatever that folklore is called.
I just found peanut butter between my boobs. This was for you.
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
Fuuuuuck dude, he’s got #Excel in his Facebook bio; I’m screaming
Tell her that we understand the angle wasn't the best on the first video and that we forgive her.
Randomize
