when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
Exactly. All of us sinners go to hell and get nothing while all of the goody two shoes get to go to heaven where its all pink floyd, lasers, and pot.
this is the second time this week i got a blowjob from a crying girl.
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
Just a heads up before you get home. Took the shelves out of the fridge so i could fit the beer ball and bucket of riot punch. Apparently i decided the stove was the best place to keep them. They got cooked when we pre heated to cook a bird we shot. This may be the final straw for our security deposit
This essay is so getting done. I am spurred on by thoughts of test-driving your newly shaven face by sitting on it as soon as humanly possible.
Do you have any pictures of me mounting animals that aren't on Facebook?
Ive done some fucked up shit, but last night was the first I have Poured milk on anothers mans face in the shower.
He slapped my ass... He best ask me out. Or figure out how to unslap my ass.
I REMEMBER NUGGETS BEING THERE BUT WE WERE AT A TACO BELL
She just walked out of her bedroom naked and asked me to help put her diaper on. Yeah, that pretty much sums up the last 24 hours...
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
Tell him to put up or shut up. Can't be dangling dick in front of ho's without delivering.
It's just disrespectful
I went from swearing off of sex to planning a threesome. It's been a rollercoaster of a day.
We ran out of vodka, so instead of body shots you wanted to do cupcake shots off her naked body...happy birthday to you.
Randomize
