In these economic times, linking arms taking tequilla shots with your boss as an underage girl is the best job security I can think of
There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
We Started drinking at 8am and left the bar around 11pm....I hate ALL green things
Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
And then I interrupted the father of the groom, to ask if she was "ballet or pole" in the middle of his story about his niece, the dancer.
I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over.
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
You know you gotta reevaluate your life when the first thought that comes to mind after you wake up is 'at least I'm still alive'
I was using my Beauty and the Beast blanket as a makeshift skirt because no pants
Well there's a microwave in my yard now too. I fucking Bruce/Caitlyn Jennered decathloned that bitch.
Its one thing to reject me, but to reject me AND my hottest friend AT THE SAME TIME!?!?
Do you think in an oreo forest they would have rivers of milk?
Randomize
