Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
the only thing i remember last nigh is talking to some chick for thirty minutes about cheese.
I say we get drunk before the exam tomorrow. At least then we have a valid excuse for failing.
They went to the hospital to try backflips in the parking lot. Be ready for the call
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
Man, just talk to her friend and help me out. Otherwise we go home alone
I'd rather jerk off with a hand full of bumble bees then talk to her
is it cool if i crash at ur house this weekend again bro
yea dude but i wld bring a sleeping bag or something just in case. or u may just have to shack up with a woman or 2 cuz we hav 10 girls visiting/staying over at my house.
how did u manage to make sleeping with a bunch of girls sound like an inconvenience?
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
I'm only friends with her because I can't stop watching the train wreck.
I didn't want to leave, I wanted to move into his ass
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
The language barrier was annoying .... So we just had sex. That is how you deal with not being able to chat isn't it???
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