Who wears a wallet chain?!
oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
Billy Mays is dead too!
Somewhat annoying American icons better be watching their backs
you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
me blowing you awake is the exact turn i want our relationship to take
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
Lol what? Monday night impromptu acid drop was the alternative.
Yea not today, I ending up taking a shit behind a tree last night.
On a completely different note: my hookup and i are now in a semester GPA competition. Winner gets froyo and sexual favors. School just got interesting.....
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
Randomize
