I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
what made you think it was a good idea to trust the girl that hides tequila in her backpack?
why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
nyquil sex gave me 6 orgasms so I support that
all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
he matches the description of mystery hookup #2, 4, and 7
Just painted my nails at the bar... I may be getting too comfortable here.
She tried to kill herself by taking a whole packet of panadol. I mean HELLO THAT'S ME EVERY SUNDAY MORNING.
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
Oh man I wish I could've gotten a picture of how many anti-circumcision stickers are on this Prius
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
she just punched him in the balls in front of everyone and yelled "YOU SEE WHAT YOU MADE ME DO"
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
Randomize
