I forgot how hot balto sounded
I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
Found a dirty envelope on my seat w ur name and $122.50 written on the front. Nothing inside but what looks like dirty pine needles
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
You paid at the door and they gave you a straw for the kiddie pool full of booze.
After a bit there were two girls who got naked and liquor wrestled. I don't think it was planned.
Ew. He is mine. We all know that if he has a mid-life crisis and decides to sleep with a student, I AM THAT STUDENT. She's not friends with him on FB. Reassuring.
so much tequila, so little girl.
You don't know being judged until its 7:30 in the morning and you're on 2 hours of sleep halfway between drunk and hungover wearing pajama pants at an international airport while saying how proud you are that you found the airport's bar immediately and how disappointed you are that it's closed
You're either getting fucked or a coupon to Friendly's. I haven't decided yet.
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
Randomize
