We even fucked WHILE he was making me breakfast in bed.
My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
after the first, "yea you like that baby", i quickly remembered why i had stopped having sex with him.
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
When the question of, do you know who's ass has been on the cake you are eating is said... Good or bad party?
Sorry I need more motivation then McDonalds and mojitos.
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
You grabbed my arm, said "I need you" in a very concerned voice and dragged me to the other room where you were blasting Evolution of Beyoncé.
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
No ive been in the mountains getting high and baking cookies with a 4 year old
Can I get high for this class every tuesday? Its like a multi-sensory carnival acid trip.
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