I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
Oh and then this old man who saw it happen goes "don't do that"
Hahaha what a helpful old man. Like you thought it was normal to be spilling gas everywhere.
Is it sad that I just used my electrical knowledge to not only fix but improve my vibrator?
Just found a peacock feather in my car. Should I be the least bit concerned about this?
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
Someone asked me why we were having sex on the porch last night. All I remember is him saying he wanted the recruits to see. This has got to stop.
I plan on being naked for at least 2/3 of the wedding.
Coming to you live from the floor of my office..
We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash
If you hear a sad honk in the wind it is me.
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?
He literally knows my vagina better then I do.
And I think she just drunkenly ordered an ipad. she said it was so pretty she couldn't keep it "locked up" because an ipad has to be let free.
I remember her making the first martini but the rest of the weekend is a blur of vodka, high heels and sex toys.
First time being used by a cougar. Definitely okay with it
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