just peed in the tub, threw it on Megan.. she threw more back, I got out and threw toilet water on her.. forecast for tomorrow? pink eye.
He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
NExt question... Do i wanna sleep under my palm tree
YES.
She cut off the top of a watermelon and is now eating it with a spoon. She's more than half done.
I think I just found part of a tooth on my bed... What goes on in here?
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
She's legally too young to drink and was making out with a guy who is ethically too old to drink.
TOPLESS DRIVE THRU! I have no money and my dignity is at an all time low.
It's been two dates and she just invited me to her aunts funeral. I can't even. Who the fuck does that? I need to drink I'm coming to get you in 5
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
We were in bed, and he looked at me and asked if I'd be weirded out if he took his leg off. BEST.SEX.EVER.
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
It’s a prereq for med school, so I hope the professor likes blow jobs
Randomize
