I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
It's like there's a party and my mouth and everyone's throwing up
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
My econ prof just gave me a shot glass because I was the "randomly picked" winner of the lecture. Ties into our supply and demand lecture, supplied with a shot glass, demand a thirsty thursday
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
so, does the "dick the size of your forearm" thing run in the family then?
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
It's nice out. . But after I almost put a bag of chips in the microwave to make nachos. ..I figured it best to not venture too far from the couch
I specifically remember rubbing my eyes thinking I could definitely go blind and I really like came to terms with it I was like ok my other senses will develop this is fine
Not bad. Ran into Carlo. He shared a story about a sailor who got gonorrhea in his eye. It made me feel better about myself.
Random question, what's John-that-we-had-a-threesome-with's phone number? Don't necessarily need the full number, maybe just area code? Think I drunkenly ran into him last night and now I have texts from a John.
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
You should of known that i was high if i refer to myself as melting into anything
Just think how much she’ll hate me when she finds out I fucked her father
Randomize
