I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
now were playing what girl doesnt belong in the picture of girls in bikinis.
I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?
I think that means you're growing up...when your coke nail becomes your opening mail nail.
FUCK and YOU. times 10. To infinity and beyond. You bastard. Worst. Cockblock. Ever. I'm going to nail your sister.
I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar
the night literally screamed "cock and ball torture"
I didn't want dick. I wanted spaghetti.
Just by hearing the girl outside reciting the info on her fake ID, I know it's gonna be a good night
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
Randomize
