"what do u think of parents raising kids to be peeping toms" said guy on bus 2 me
Next time, if you wake and bake, make sure you nail the wake part. Not easy to explain to mum. Or the fire brigade.
she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
It got to the point that I had to make flashcards with their name on the front and dick pics on the back.
There is a guy, stoned out of his mind, only wearing slippers and a bathrobe in the library.
casually drinking alone with your cats. do they like sparks?
Watching her eat just hurts me
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
I'm on the porch day drinking and the neighbor is in his yard screaming about his amazing sandwiches, maybe we should move.
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
You know I've done a lot of messed up stuff. But I never thought I would have to put a bandaid on my dick. Yet here we are.
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
If you dont get laid dressed as Woody Harrelson in Zombieland, I have lost all faith in the men of nw Indiana.
one nice thing about being home: no walks of shame, just drives of shame
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