My liver just broke up with me...
I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
I am stoned and watching Pocahontas. I am letting the kids eat whatever they want. I am the best babysitter in the whole wide world
I googled Canada's legal age of consent. I have good news. It's 14. Justin Bieber here I come...
wtf
I'm guessing you saw the bathroom?
There's a show on the Discovery Channel about T-Rex sex. I think this just made my life.
I'm just sayin' man be careful, that chick has castration written all over her.
I just used FaceTime as a look out while I got a blowjob in the library
And my only real exposure to Russian culture is you and Internet porn.
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
Come get your boy. He's cuddling with a bag of rice on the floor.
I don't know, I think it's at least a minor achievement when you can light up with the guy who took your virginity and act like you didn't have and incredibly awkward sexual experience together
Last night I made the hotel shuttle driver take me to Walgreens for birth control, and Pringles.
They were both high priority
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
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