Lonely and bored. Am I allowed to play Dance Dance Revolution by myself?
There's a girl in my class named "La-a" pronouced "Luh Dash uh" I hate everyone
At home depot. Final room inspection is tmrow, gotta paint over the puke stains
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
I met her at the quidditch match. She was the snitch and I caught her. After at the bar she walked up grabbed my hand and said snitches have flesh memories.
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
i am laugh crying so hard the guy next door stopped playing guitar
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
Just got the test results back; apparently I'm red-green colorblind. this explains the past 18 years of my life and i'm wondering why i didn't realize this sooner
If dispatch calls for us tell them I'm having a significant emotional event in the restroom
Breakfast sounds amazing but can we do IHOP instead? I have to pick up a Plan B pill and there’s a CVS next to it
Randomize
