your thong is hanging out like whoa
So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
Ok just saw a girl open a pillbox, dump it out on her notebook and count out 13 adderall tabs and put them in a baggie and leave. Oh hey college.
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
I got pulled into the conversation by "she sleeps with everybody" then "she" involved sleeping with "cocks the size of a viva burrito"
after she rolled over and said 'i'm so glad you're like my gay best friend, love you' then left. did i just get friendzoned AFTER sex??
If I come in tomorrow with a cane and a seeing eye dog it's because I just mixed up my salicylic acid acne stuff with my eye makeup remover
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
I need dunkaroos back in my life.
If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk
Sorry about the nipples in that snapchat. It was meant for the Australian.
after the ketamine those signs on the bathroom door had little meaning to us
woke up. showered n got ready. had sex. and was still 15 minutes early to work... its gonna be a good day!
While she was pissing on the neighbors shrubs, they threatened to call the cops...she mumbled 'don't threaten me with a good time", so to answer your question, yes she was drunk.
Randomize
