I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
If I go there, please come with. It will accelerate the lesbian rumor but be totally worth it.
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
You didn't hold all these dicks to become a party planner!
Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?
My liver and my bank account can't afford another all nighter. Help.
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
Judging by the progress I've made since I woke up (none) I'm thinking this hangover may keep me in bed.
The woman in the flower onesie is claiming she hasn't been drinking.
My life has hit a new low, I just licked MDMA of someone's bed.
Do him. As soon as possible and as often as possible. That's what Oprah would say
You squatted and peed on the living room floor while maintaining eye contact with Sebastian
Noo not in a booty call way, in a 'How are your abs and penis doing today?' sort of way.
I made soup. Now I'm having post soup making wine. I had pre soup making wine also.
Randomize
