White coat. Heels.
I am now the proud owner of a 10-12 year old's Optimus Prime costume from Walmart. Tomorrow is going to be a good day.
i got iced as i was inside of her. i fucking hate my friends
my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
She just came to my house, with puke in her hair, to wake up my dad and scream "happy fathers day you DILF!" at the top of her lungs
My adult sexuality and some of the best memories of my childhood collided like a Pee Wee Herman wet dream.
Elaborate
Strip Mario-Kart
I don't understand how 5 bottles of booze became normal or acceptable per 2.5 people
All I know is that I woke up with glitter all over me and blood on my shoes. It wasn't my blood.
I think I'm getting sponsored by the Mexican Drug Cartel for the start of my poker career. It was an interesting night at the bar. One word, Vegas.
I just referred to our excessive fireball consumption as a team building exercise and everyone in group text agreed.
We're not alcoholics, we're a god damn team.
I'm by the tree and the Dora the explorer balloon .. Look for the Dora the explorer balloon
I HATE HIM SO MUCH I HOPE HE GETS IN SOME WEIRD ACCIDENT WHICH MAKES IT IMPOSSIBLE FOR HIM TO NUT
We celebrated Cinco the right way. We took shots of 1800 then he fucked me while Selena was on TV in the background
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
When are you getting back?
Well google maps doesn't have an estimated time for crawling... Could be days
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