i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
I accidentally asked my mom for a blowjob because 'mom' and 'molly' are next to each other in my address book.
I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
I don't care if he's straight, his cock will be in my mouth by midnight. Like a closeted Cinderella.
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
Between the hair pulling and the choking its its more like combat than sex
Sorry I have an "Operation Iraqi Freedom" fantasy
Just put your hair in a bun. We're going out to drink, not to impress people.
How external is "for external use only"?
I'm gonna go to bars and pick up women hopped up on democracy.
My mouth taste like pussy and my dad noticed. Hahahaha
We're making a scrapbook of dick pics, you want in or what?
How hot? Like... how many hemsworths?
I walked in describing her boobs thinking I was talking to you only to hear dad say 'I remember when your moms were like that'. ALWAYS tell me when they get home early. Always
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
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