I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
I got a handjob from a sober married woman in a parking lot in the middle of the day, yet you still cant manage to get laid by a drunk single slut at the bar at 1am. Wtf
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
I wore water proof eyeliner just incase the first picture of me of 2012 is a mugshot
She fell down no less than 4 times while we were at the club. One of which was while she was in the bathroom stall next to me.
We are going to need a water proof camera with a flash....exit routes....lots of booze.....and a tutu for good measure
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
I specialize in how to hang out and party with randoms after you've hooked up with them. Not in feelings.
Pulled a muscle in my back masturbating. But still listed as probable.
I tried to prevent a bar fight. By convincing a guy whacked out on Molly to slap the ass of everyone who was arguing and shout "WOO" each time. I'm proud, surprised, and intrigued that it calmed everyone down so quickly...
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
There is maybe 10 hours out of any given day we aren't sober.
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
it's okay that you two hooked up in the family bathroom at the mall.. i just pray to god you were not making a family in the family bathroom..
Randomize
