so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
While in Europe, he bought me a pouring tap to put on my liquor so I don't spill. This means 2 things.1) He really loves me. 2) I'm a noticeable alcoholic.
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
Status Uddate: I lost half a tooth and Alison is taking Amy Grant requests via bullhorn
Your dad just texted me? He said I needed to holler at him when I get up tomorrow. I honestly thought you had somehow gone to jail.
Someone is in my phone as "fireball girl" and keeps texting me. How do I go about finding out who it is?
Note to self: do not ride giant beanbag chair down stairs.
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
I hate when I wake up and find my vibrator next to me. Such a waste of an orgasm...getting myself off in my sleep and not remembering
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
I cannot pick him out of a line up. I remember he is blonde and his half flaccid dick looks like gonzo. So unless he pulls down his pants I don't know who he is
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