the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
I realized as I was wesiging my engamemby ring that you'd never love me tha same. I have life plans and Sam showed them to me
What? You're not speaking real words.
i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
you'd think with how big her nose is she'd have a better smelling pussy..
A horse told me not to drive home last night. I think there was a cop on top of it.
Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
When that rick ross song came on he started ripping up dollar bills and pouring out drinks on the floor. I'm all for ignorance but it was a little excessive for a wedding
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
Not sure if you're still doing the whole "sleeping with only one person" thing but if you're not we should sleep together when I get back in town tonight.
She said, after pronouncing how sober she was, and I quote 'Take this bag, it's so heavy it's like 500 degrees! Wait, is it time to go? Can I run? I think I can run!' Then she ran away.
What drinking game we play yesterday? Fight club or something?
extra points if i make kids and or the elderly cry
Whose house did we sneak into and play beer pong for 4 hours at last night?
I honestly have no idea
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