just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
I've had that scene from "Parenthood" where Rick Moranis' character is singing "Close To You" to his wife in classroom, stuck in my head all morning.
I guess my mind is just wondering whatever happened to Rick Mornais.
Ok so the guy below me is either having sex very loudly or is very lonely
My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
All i remember was he was wearing billibong pants... well actually my mom found that out for me.
And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
this morning your mother said to me "sorry to have to meet you like this, in my sons bed" later she said "you never know whos gonna be in there. its scary sometimes"
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
Donald Trump and I would be so adorably orange together!
Why did I wake up in bed with the ironing board and a Mariah Carey mask? Vodka hates me
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
we fucked in the backseat of my car at the observatory, right under the stars. it was a starry, orgasmic filled night
We're too hungover to prance.
Randomize
