I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
I really just want to stuff him in my purse, take him home, feed him pudding or applesauce and brush his hair. That's not creepy, right?
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
Are you around on Saturday? Feeling a trip over
Wet with either fear or sexual excitement
I think a mixture of both is appropriate
Taking Gomer to the ER. He tore something trying to stretch his nutsack enough to put his balls in his own ass. I need new friends.
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
Hey, if I'm gonna bastard a child and ruin his life, I'm going balls out.
Just made a memo in my blackberry that contains seth's funeral arrangements. I have a feeling he has big plans for the weekend.
just for future reference, lake water is NOT mix for hard stuff. nor is it an adequate substitute.
Glow Paint looked great for the Black Light Party last night, Tonight having a glow in the dark Pizza on my arm, not so much.
I love my cat. she doesnt judge when i stumble in my house drunk and pass out on my floor. my dog looks at me disappointed.
He doesn't wear a seatbelt. He votes Republican. He has a small dick. That house of cards just fell apart.
I just balanced a full glass of chocolate milk on my left boob. Don't think i've ever been more proud.
I wish he’d realize all I want is dick. He’s my boytoy. He’s a stunt cock. \n\nCome over, fuck me silly, eat some leftovers, fuck me again, then go back to the frat house
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