I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
I'm gonna die fat and alone and all they will find is pizza crusts
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
The hot Japanese girl in my class just said her "favorite sexy American actor is Nick Cage." That, I can work with.
his mom and I have the same butterfly tramp stamp. don't ask how that came up
i was thoroughly upset that he did not want to be my number 16, who passes that number up?
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
Adderal just makes me love life. I want to do so much. I just can't stop thinking about all the wonderful opportunities we have and how lucky we are and I want to make a difference in the world. I just have to reign in my brain and convince it that changing the world starts with a college degree, which depends on studying for these finals.
Found my underwear in a solo cup. That about sums up this weekend.
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
I'm dying. The alcohol is viciously exiting my tiny body.
...and that is the first time I've ever wished fewer naked women on someone I like.
I need to learn how to not be a fucking liability
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
Randomize
