I don't usually arrange sex via text message
Kareoke will never be a sober sport
You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
He probably put up nude pics. He seems like that kind of guy.
i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
I just saw an old lady yelling at a dead pigeon for leaving the oven on.
She cried. My mom screams. And nut went everywhere. It was all around a bad situation.
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
Sorry I need more motivation then McDonalds and mojitos.
How do I know if porn I have watched is haunted?
I feel as if the hash cupcakes on top of mushroom chocolates was a little excessive last night
Oh, also as a concerning side note, my bra had drops of blood on it. So I don't know what the deal was, but someone I was around was definitely bleeding a decent amount.
They had to stop us from skinny dipping in the reflection pool of the Mormon temple.
You threw up everything but your ovaries.
Randomize
