You taught me that having a dip while u shit is awesome. I appreciate u for that
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
They refer to his house as "the abortion clinic". Cant wait.
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
I can't even remember the last time I took my own pants off
That kid i sell weed to just had his mom give him a ride over here she waited in the car while he bought a bag
If you need to be the damsel in drunken distress make sure it's before 3.
i love how you just walk into that dealer's house every time without knocking, yet you don't even know his name
That moment when I wear the same thing I did to a motel nooner to my family's Christmas party... Ho Hoety Ho bitches
He took a girl home at like eight, fucked her, kicked her out, came back to the bar, and repeated the process again at 10:30 and 2:30. THREE GIRLS IN ONE NIGHT. ALL PICKUPS. I HATE HIM.
MY BUTT IS BIG ENOUGH FOR AN ANACONDA AND HE DOESNT GET TO ENJOY IT TOUGH SHIT
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
By talk things out did he mean have passionate angry sex?
That 2-CB was ass.
You mean the asprin cut with pez?
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