btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
just saw someone puke all over a michigan fan. he didn't even flinch.
The mystery has been solved. Seagulls have sex doggy-style.
It's 10am. I'm hungover wearing a flyers jersey and a phillies hat and eating a cheesesteak. I'm not the only one. Best city ever.
i just shaved my vag. i figure it gave me about ten more minutes to drink tomorrow.
Fuck you, you can't judge me til you've smelt my boobs.
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
I'm a 23 year old adult who just ordered condoms online from Target because I'm still too embarrassed to buy them in the store.
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
Yeah i like want to be friends with him. And if we have sex in the physics library well thats fine with me
I felt I lost my designated buddy on a field trip when you wandered off to get high with strangers.
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
How dare sober me try to tell drunk me I can't eat the applesauce in the fridge! Stingy bitch IM EATING THE APPLESAUCE! you can tell sober me I said that.
I got there and she was on her balcony drinking out of a bottle of vodka and smoking a cigar.
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