We may or may not have a drunk cat on our hands.
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
I can't believe they didnt cut us off after we all hugged each other and started singing "were the 3 best friends that anybody could have" RIGHT IN FRONT of the bar and bartender...
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
May or may not have just lost a contact hanging out Anthony's sunroof. Drunk. Hint: I can only see out of one eye right now.
There is naked swordfighting and something green and alcoholic going on in the basement. COME. OVER. NOW.
He was so aggressive it felt like he was giving my boob a root cannal
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
well it was great until i saw his anime body pillow
Random boy motorboated me, handed me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, winked and walked out with some other girl
Find him and marry him.
I'm so sorry for trying to eat your puzzle last night...
My vagina! What have you done to it?
Blessed it my child.
The hump and dump is a beautiful thing
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