Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show
two words: eviction party
it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover.
he likes to slap my ass alot untill he missed and hit his own balls poor bastard kept on going.
I just typed in random letters on his address bar... 5 out of the 6....a porn site was in the drop down list hahahahaha get a life bro.
Just walked out of my apartment and came face to face with a shirtless dude playing with his balls and trying to tie his shoes.
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
BECAUSE THIS IS AMERICA AND DONUTS AND TITTIES AND ALCOHOL IS WHAT THIS COUNTRY WAS FOUNDED ON
my dad has now seen 6 different dudes grab my ass. i guess i should start a list.
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
Is the Chairman of the College Republicans throwing upon your toilet right now? 'Murica!
I've seen your dick too many times for both of us to be straight.
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