I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
Theres this fat girl in desperate need of the proactive factory in my class and as i watch her shovel food in her face I am struggling to not only keep down my meager lunch but also to stay straight. Eliza Dushku couldnt even get my flacid dick to move
Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
don't worry, your friend will b fine, they treat virgins nicely around here
He tried to make eye contact, he should know by now that freaks me out
I dont think yelling "Grab your dicks, time for pics!" helped your case either.
I am at 2.05 miles in under 11 minutes. So either this thing is broke or I should always work out wasted.
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
Your vase full of piss was still at his house and he still doesn't know.
I just learned how to imitate a trains smokestack. The downside is it makes you look like you ate cocaine. The upside is YOU LOOK LIKE A TRAIN
Idk she didn't seem that weird to me but I had just eaten an entire tray of jello infused with liquor so I could be wrong...
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
I'm glad you enjoyed the night but why were you calling me "daddy"?
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
Randomize
