THE most awkward situation I have EVER been in
Also, I just threw up a little in my mouth and had to act like everything was totally fine.
why would she cut her hair? she needs all the distractions possible from those texas-sized gums and horse teeth.
We decided to smoke and then made crosses on our foreheads for ash wednesday
mom would be proud
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
there are some nice people on this island. free ride free pancakes and they even prayed for us when they dropped us off
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
They drank shots out of my cleavage. Surprisingly, the one who did the best was a gay guy.
I've said it before and I'll say it again: your tits are a danger to gay men everywhere.
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
The chlamydia really affected his face.
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
I'VE CAME 4 TIMES TODAY. I AM AS DRY AS THE SAHARA, STOP YOUR WHINING.
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
We fucked like animals and then decided we actually liked each other so then we made love. It's a match made in heaven.
I realize my mistake but don't you dare school me in cock, young man
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
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