My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
it was the worst sex ever in the history of sex. i mean ever. and he thought he was great. actually told me he was the best id ever had...what was i supposed to say? lol...i've had better times by myself. seriously.
I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
Would you like me to write a persuasive essay on how you should let me suck your dick?
walmarts paint section shouldnt be open at 3am
Having drunken flash backs of me giving you a piggy back ride. I was like Jesus, and you were my cross. I fell so many times for you. This is true friendship.
How dare you. Idk what you called me, and neither does google translate, but you better take it back.
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
I just set my acrylic nail on fire while trying to light my blunt
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
Randomize
