I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
Bad news: I had to be at work at 7:15. Good news: no one had used the bathroom yet so I got to defile a freshly cleaned stall
I just googled dawgpound, shoulda seen that pornsite coming
You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
you tried to pee on a squirrel and everyone saw. you've got some serious untagging to do
I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
I still have way too many Frat houses to get blackout drunk at before I'm get in any type of relationship
Oh and apparently Friday night I came home and tried assembling the Christmas tree until my mom just told me to go to bed. Blackout.
he forgot we were at my place and not his so he tried kicking me out of my own apartment by saying "so, you can go whenever you want...."
Walking around as slutty Ron Swanson is amazing
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
Pretty sure one of my drivers stopped to get laid while he was delivering a pizza. Is it appropriate to give him a write-up AND a high-five?
Dude I may be rolling but there's no way I can make up a 12 ft tall giant green man waving to me right now
False alarm, security just told me it's a radio tower
EMERGENCY SUBJECT CHANGE. SHE DOESN'T KNOW.
Is that your Nuva ring on the floor? Shit must have gotten crazy
Randomize
