Dual....:-)
Come over? It's my birthday
How many times has that text failed you tonight?
Well that wasnt the exboyfriend i expected to hook up with today
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
There is a slip-n-slide in the hallway and a girl just did it topless cuz I told her it was my birthday. Where are you?
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
Traveling before 21 and traveling after 21 are two different things. There's a whole nother world of red white and blue weird out there
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
We had sex in his hot tub. Then we saved a mouse that almost drown in his pool. We celebrated our heroism with more sex.
I think he has some internal "man stuff" that keeps getting in the way.
Like alcoholism and general douchbagary.
Honestly who turns down a free blowjob?
Its okay. I just know how you can text with your hands cuffed behind you back, so I had no idea what "oh shit" meant.
It's not my fault I make her feel like a Taylor Swift album
Remember that time we were together? Yeah, I don't miss that.
Randomize
