i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet.
Nothing will ever prepare you for the moment when you are sitting on your friends bathroom floor with no pants on eating string cheese & pita at 2am.
Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
But college guys get to crossfade so there's that
No idea what that is
Like getting bent? When you drink and smoke together...
I'm 30 stop using your cool kids words
Sitting in bed reading a porn novel off my phone and accidentally just made Siri start reading the most graphic part aloud. FUN FIRST NIGHT WITH THE NEW ROOMIE.
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
You give an incredible blow job. I wanted to make sure you know it was appreciated
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
Randomize
